My mouth hurts

And it's not because I got hit square in the mouth by Sean while playing basketball this morning. Okay, that's part of it.

But really, the reason that my mouth is relaying bad vibes to my brain right now is because I just drank a bottle of Wild Blue. What is Wild Blue, you ask?

Let me tell you what "they" claim it is: an 8% ABV blueberry lager brewed by Anheuser-Busch, although the label indicates no such affiliation.

Let me tell you what it really is: grape soda. Upon twisting off the cap, I could immediate smell an overpowering aroma of fake blueberries, despite the mouth of the bottle still being a good 18 inches from me. The second thing that you notice while pouring this is the lack of any decent head. But the first, my friends, is the color.

This is no feat of digital trickery. This is truly a beverage that could be poured on Prince by the firkin and not a stain would appear on his purple velvet jacket. Quickly, any resemblance to being a beer is fading.

But what really matters is taste. So how does it taste? Not like beer, that's for sure. Hops? Apparently not used in this recipe. The mysteriously vanishing boysenberry syrup from IHOP? More likely. Simply put, this beer does not taste like a beer. It's very sweet, almost soda like in nature but with less carbonation than your average can of grape soda. Far more like a fruity malt beverage (think Mike's Hard Lemonade, Smirnoff Ice, etc) than a beer. I'm not sure if "sticky" is an appropriate way to describe mouthfeel, but I feel compelled to call it that. Sticky, and thin. I can't stress this enough: there was nothing about the taste of this that indicated it was a beer.

The supposed 8% ABV is so well masked that not only is the taste of alcohol absent, but the appropriate buzz that one would expect is also missing. Yes, I consumed this in about ten minutes after having not eaten for over four hours, and never felt even the slightest bit buzzed. This, for me anyway, is not normal. I'm not saying I should have been staggeringly drunk, but this just didn't do anything to me. But that's not the reason I drink beer, so I digress.

Jeff called me earlier to ask if I would recommend this. Surprisingly, I'd have to say yes - but certainly not by the six pack. This is the type of thing that you buy a single bottle of and split it with a few friends, just so you can see and taste it for yourself. And if you do enjoy the taste, save some money and pick up a cheap twelve pack of Fanta or Welches instead.