The British Are Coming!

Golly gee, it’s been a while! But you know me – I can’t let Jeff have the last word, so it’s time to swoop in and regale you kind folk with a tale. A tale of one pub, two days, and many, many tasty drinks.

In a small town, a cool breeze blows as the sun begins to set. About mile south of Main Street, a man exits his home and saunters up the sidewalk. It’s April Fools Day, but the man is on a serious mission. Ten minutes away by foot, an authentic British Pub is cooking up bangers and mash, but this man hungers not for food. In another room in this pub, four long tables support twenty casks – each containing a different and uniquely delicious treat. Our man soon reaches his destination.

I am that man. I have reached my destination.

Unlike beer-centric engagements of the past, Paul (Owner/Actual British Person) knows exactly how to handle distribution. At the door, customers are given an option to purchase a run-of-the-Hammermill piece of paper for $20. On it, 40 “tokens” valuing 50 cents apiece await the Sharpie-wielding severs barricaded within the four tables of casks. These tokens can be purchased in any quantity desired, and – this is the best part of all – can be sold back, at full price, if unused. In addition to the tickets, you’re asked to choose a glass – 10, 16, or 20 ounce. As did many others, I chose the 10 ounce glass.

Despite the security blanket, there will be no unused tokens this evening. Along with the payment sheet, another paper lists each of the nearly two dozen beers sitting in front of me. This ensures that $20 worth of drinks will be easy to choose. Name, brewery, city of origin, ABV, price, and a full description of each beer is right there, ready to guide me in the decision making process. My first beer is an easy pick, and with Founders Red Rye Ale in hand, I spotted some friends from BeerAdvocate and joined them at one of the few tables that still had open seats. Once the Founders was gone, it was time to make the hardest decision: what next? The night played out as follows.

Beer 2: Oskar Blues Dale’s Pale Ale. If it were an apple, it would be Golden Delicious.

Beer 3: Stoudt’s Scarlet Lady ESB. My first local beer of the night. Normally, I’m not a huge fan of ESBs, but this one boasts something different: it’s been aged on bourbon oak. I can honestly say that I’ve never seen an ESB that’s been given this treatment, so I had to give it a try. Not a hint of bourbon, but the oak itself was just strong enough to add a unique twist to the beer. Gave serious considerations to seconds.

Beer 4: Breckenridge Oatmeal Stout: four beers in, and I haven’t had anything darker than a red ale yet. A true sign of spring, no doubt. But I can’t go a whole evening without one, so I got a glass of this to sip as dusk gave way to night. It was a great choice as a dessert beer, but unknown to me at the time, it wouldn’t be my final nightcap.

Beer 5: Dogfish Head 75 Minute IPA. I had just enough tokens left to do one of three things: buy more and get two more 10 ounce pours, get one small pour and sell the rest, or go for a full pint of something. In honor of the starving kids in Boston who no longer have 75 Minute on cask, I decided on a full pint of this delicious drink, and dutifully handed over my remaining tokens in exchange for a glorious pour of this top-notch beer.

At this point, I thought my night was drawing to a close. But after hearing several other people at the table describe the taste of the Oskar Blues Old Chub they’d ordered, I had to look at the beer list again to see what was going on. Something didn’t sound right – tasty, but not right. Sure enough, it turns out that this Scotch Ale was a special cask; one with vanilla beans added. With the remaining cash in my pocket, and some tokens from generous tablemates, I ordered a 10 ounce pour of this. Now that was a beer to end the night on. Distinctly vanilla taste, but not cheap vanilla (think Vanilla Coke), and not cloyingly sweet. Just a good beer that happens to taste of vanilla.

The next morning, I found myself a bit slow to get up and get moving for the day. Thankfully, Raisin Bran and chamomile make everything better. After fetching the Saturday paper from my doorstep (yes, I’m 50 years old), I was finally ready to go about with my errands.

Arriving home for a late lunch, I checked Facebook before making food. Oh Facebook, how valuable you’ve become. Right at the top of the page, there’s an update from the pub.

Now on tap: Founders Kentucky Breakfast Stout.

Without hesitation, I was walking that familiar sidewalk. When I got to the pub, I got more than I came for. Along with my incredibly fair priced KBS ($6.50 for 12 ounces – nearly the same as bottled), I found myself just a few feet from the Kingsessing Morris Dancers, who were in full step right inside the pub. After joining up with some BA friends, we wandered outside to the patio, as the dancers had moved outdoors for a few more numbers. Lots of bells, bashing sticks against each other, two accordions, and a rubber chicken. This is my kind of dancing.

But let’s get back to KBS. This is beer blog after all, not a Morris Dancing blog (Hops and More-is Dancing?). This mythical stout is released once a year to extremely high accolades and small quantities. Most stores have waiting lists that start getting populated months before the release, and many limit the purchases to a single 12 ounce bottle per person. Having had it a few times before, I never quite understood the appeal. It’s extremely bourbon-forward, the alcohol (~11%) isn’t very shy, and there’s no real balance to the brew.

On tap, however, this is a completely different drink. In my tulip glass is essentially an iced coffee, with chocolate and a little bourbon. As far as the alcohol is concerned, I wouldn’t guess any higher than 8% if I hadn’t known better. I fought with myself long and hard before deciding to call it quits after one glass. It’s not even 2pm, and I know I’ll be asleep all day if I have another. Besides, with this being such a rare beer, I’d rather let someone else give this a try. Sharing is caring.